Idfc
by zon-chan
Summary: A fanfic based off of a song called, "Idfc," by Blackbear.
1. 1

**"Tell me pretty lies, Look me in the face. Tell me that you love me, Even if it's fake."**

They are the perfect power couple, and they aren't even dating. Yet, they aren't dating yet. Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki.

They're all what people are talking about these days. Everyone loves the new transfer student Katsuki.

Even me.

I don't know when these foreign feelings began to rise up, but they did. And they did hard. However anyone with eyes can see that Yuuri only has eyes for Viktor.

At least I'm their friend, right? Right? That should be enough for me, it should. But it isn't, it will probably never be.

"Hey, Yurio! C'mon! Your going to be left behind!" Viktor yelled cheerfully.

I gritted my teeth angrily, that bastard!

"Don't call me Yurio! That's not my name!" I shouted at the blond.

"Hahaha, I'll pay for your smoothie." Yuuri laughed lightly looking at me with his gentle eyes.

I blushed and looked away, "Whatever." I glared at the floor.

I am hopelessly, in love with, Yuuri Katsuki.


	2. 2

**"'Cause I don't fucking care, at all. You've been out all night, I don't know where you've been."**

"Yuuri~ you should come to the party tonight." Viktor suddenly said.

I watched as Yuuri blushed at the older teens words. "Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm not really soical." He replied.

"Aw, please? It'll be fun! I promise! Just this once, and if you don't like it I'll leave you alone about it okay?" Viktor said trying to get Yuuri to go.

Yuuri eventally agreed to go and gave Viktor his adress. I watched as Viktor left waving goodbye. My heart painfully gripped in my chest as I watched Yuuri give Viktor love sick puppy dog eyes.

 _It was disgusting._

"You really like him don't you?" I questioned.

Yuuri's eyes went wide and started studdering, "N-no! Yo-you got i-it all wrong!" He denied. I just sighed and listened to what the dark haired teen had to say. It was all bullshit. Amyone with eyes and tell that Viktor and Yuuri has a thing for eachother. It was the elephant in the room that no one will ever talk about.

I hated it.

"Whatever, I'm going." I said cutting him off and getting up from the table we were all sitting at.

"Are you mad?" Yuuri asked. Oh, I could never be mad at you.

"Depends." Was all I said before leaving him behind.

I really hate my feelings. It's really unnessary.


	3. 3

**"You're slurring all your words, not making any sense. But I don't fucking care, at all."**

I woke up to my phone ringing non-stop. "UGH! FUCKING SHIT STOP THAT!" I yelled. I reached over on my nightstand and looked at see who was calling me.

 _ **Yuuri Katsuki**_

My eyes widen at the caller ID, I quickly answered it feeling more awake. "Yuuri?" I said a little confused. Didn't he go to a party or something?

"YURIO!" Yuuri's voice shouted through the phone.

I pulled away glaring at the phone, "Fucking bitch." I muttered. "What the hell do you want this late?" I said feeling angry.

"VIKTOR WANTS TO GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE! SHOULD I GO WITH HIM? WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?" Yuuri continued to yell through the phone.

"Put Viktor on the phone." I told yuuri. There was a shuffle of sound before a different voice spoke through the phone.

"Hello?"

"Viktor! What the hell are you planning?" I growled at him.

"Wow! I didn't know that you cared about this." Viktor gasped into the phone.

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"Just a little tispy." He answered.

"Put Yuuri back on the phone." I demanded.

There was more shuffling before Yuuri's voice came back on. "Yurio?" He sounded calm now.

"Listen don't go anywhere with Viktor okay? I'm going to come and pick you up. Can you go outside?" I carefully asked.

"Yeah! What are we doing? Can we get some food?" Yuuri asked cheerfuly.

I smiled at the phone, he's so cute. "Yeah sure. Make sure you wait outside okay?"

"Yeah!"

I hanged up and rubbed my eye with my hands. I slowly got out of bed and got on my shoes before leaving the small apartment.


	4. 4

**"'Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care. Like they ain't even there."**

I held onto Yuuri as I carefully sat him in the car. "Bye Yuuri! I'll miss you!" Yuuri practically screamed. I growled as I closed the car door. Buzzed my ass, I thought as Viktor tripped over his own feet walking back into the house.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. This is going to be a pain in the ass.

Driving to Yuuri's place I kept a tight grip on the steering wheel, as Yuuri kept yelling.

"Biktor! Biktor! Yurio where's Biktor?" Yuuri asked leaning towards me.

"It's pronounced, Viktor pig." I scowled turning into Yuuri's driveway.

"Biktor is so nice." Yuuri sighed.

"I'm sure he is." I mutter getting out of the car. I helped Yuuri get out and unlocked his front door.

"C'mon be quiet, don't wake up your family." I hissed as Yuuri nearly knocked over a glass plate.

"Sssssorrryyy!" Yuuri loudly whispered.

I groaned and closed Yuuri's bedroom behind me. Yuuri flopped down on his bed and laid down.

"Night, Yurio." He mumbled sleepily.

I softly smiled at him, that's cute. I covered Yuuri up with a blanket before putting a kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight Yuuri, sweet dreams."


	5. 5

**"'Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, 'cause I'm so fucking scared."**

I quietly watched as Viktor and Yuuri started skating together. They looked like they belonged together, on ice off of ice. The perfect duo. I glared as Viktor waved at me, I quickly looked away and started working on my program.

"Yura! Take a break!" The coach yelled. I nodded my head and skated off of the rink. Before I opened the locker door I heard laughter. I carefully pressed my ear against the door and listened in.

"I've been thinking Yuuri." Viktor's voice said.

I gulped and held my breath, I got a good feeling of what's about to happpen.

"Would you like to go out on a date with me?" Viktor asked.

"I-is this a joke?" Yuuri's voice squeaked out. I can only imagine what Yuuri's face is like right now.

"No, why? A-are you crying? Yuuri what's wrong?" Viktor inquired.

"I don't want to be another one night stand with you." Yuuri hiccup.

"No, no, moya. I want to be with you, give this a chance, yes? I'll do my best to make you happy." Viktor said soothingly.

"Really?" Yuuri whispered.

"Yes, I do. Will you?"

"How can I say no?"

I closed my eyes as I felt my heart drop in my chest. It clenched tightly as I felt my eyes burn from the tears forming.

 _I'm so fucking stupid._


	6. 6

**"I'm only a fool for you, and maybe you're too good for me."**

"Ah! I'm so nervous! What if I mess up?" Yuuri nerously asked.

"Calm down, you'll be fine. Just be yourself and if he doesn't like that then it's his fault." I told Yuuri handing him his jacket. I'm helping Yuuri get ready for his date, he called me freaking because he never been on a date before. He's an idiot, but I love this idiot.

"Why are you being so nice? Usually you'll call me a stupid pig or something." Yuuri wondered.

"I don't know, you're my friend and your freaking out. On the edge of a panic attack. So shut up and let me be nice!" I yelled the last part.

Yuuri smiled then giggled, "I see, thanks Yurio. I feel better now."

"Whatever, and don't call me Yurio!"

The door bell rang and the nervous look went back on Yuuri's face. I carefuly placed a hand on his shoulder, "This can go two ways, you'll have a boyfriend. Or you can come over and I'll have icecream waiting." I offered.

Yuuri smiled softly and nodded, "Thanks Yura."

I watched as Yuuri opened the door and Viktor handed him flowers. I held in a snort, so fucking chessy old man. However Yuuri smiled anyways and took them with care. Viktor smiled gently at Yuuri as the door closed behind him. I gripped the front of my shirt tightly as I felt a pang in my chest.

 _I need to give up._


	7. 7

**"I'm only a fool for you. But I don't fucking care, at all."**

I sat down on the couch wrapped in a big blanket staring at the T.V. A reality show was on but I wasn't really paying attention to it. Yuuri flooded me with text messages about his date with Viktor.

I sighed as another text popped up.

 **Yuuri K.**

 _ **Ha! Viktor was just holding my hand! He says he wants to do this again!**_

I sat down my phone next to me and laid down. The show was now on commercial. Frustration filled my body as I realized Viktor won. There's no way he would pass up the chance to be Yuuri's boyfriend.

I missed my chance. I probably never even had a chance. Maybe if I was nicer? Or more like Viktor? Scratch that, if I was Viktor I would kill myself.

My phone beeped again signaling I got a text. I stayed put as the show came back on. Few minutes later my phone beeped again. I groaned before looking at them.

 **Yuuri K.**

 _ **We kissed!**_

 **Yuuri K.**

 _ **Guess who has a boyfriend!**_

Instead of replying I headed towards the kitchen to get out the tub of icecream. One of us has a numb heart.


	8. 8

_**"Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face."**_

"You know, you're pretty easy to read." Beka said standing next to me.

I glared at him, "The fuck are you talking about?"

He shrugged but nudged his head to where the fucking happy couple was. They were sitting down outside on a table. Laughing and holding hands. I curled my hands into fists and gritted my teeth.

"See what I mean?" He gestured to my appearance.

"Okay fine! I'm bothered by it! What do you want me to do about it?" I shot back at him.

Beka laughed, "I don't expect you to do anything. If this is how you want to control your emotions go for it." The older teen pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans a looked at me.

"What?" I breathed. Suddenly feeling flustered.

"There are ways to get Katsuki off your mind." He said, not moving his eyes from mine.

"Like smoking weed?" I snorted.

Beka shooked his head, "Ever heard of friends with benefits?" My voice got caught in my throat and I couldn't muster any words. The teen just winked at me, "Just give me a call. I'm down anytime." He said before leaving me with my thoughts.

Did he just offer to sleep with me?

I took a quick look at the newest couple and my heart clutched as I watched Viktor kiss Yuuri's cheek, and Yuuri blushing over it. Something to take my mind off of the black haired beauty?

I gulped before pulling out my phone. I needed to make some changes.


	9. 9

_**"Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake."**_

My knuckles throbbed red and I stared JJ in the eye. Towering over him. I probably looked like I was going to murder him. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath in, trying to calm myself down.

People are watching. With their phones out. Damn it.

"Yuri!" His voice called out. His eyes scanned over me in a worry. He sounded out of breath. Did he run here?

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked in a rush.

JJ was being an ass. He was spitting out your name. Sham in you. Everything I hate about him.

"Nothing, leave me alone." I spat out. I ignored the hurt look on his face. Ignored the way that look made me hate myself.

I pushed pass him and didn't look back.


	10. 10

_**"'Cause I don't fucking care, at all."**_

The water on my blisters hurt like hell. But I guess it's what I deserve.

The locker room door opened and closed. Footsteps approached me. Wasn't Yuuri. These footsteps were confident.

"Heard what you did." Viktor spoke into the quietness. I didn't reply.

"Why exactly would you go that far though?" Viktor questioned.

"He's my friend." I answered.

"Those punches said otherwise." Viktor said. I bit my lip and turned the water off. Keep your head down.

"What are you implying?" I asked.

"You're in love with him." Viktor responded.

I looked up and met Viktor's eyes. The drops of water were the only sound in the locker room. Viktor smiled and walked away.


	11. 11

_**"You've been out all night.**_  
 _ **I don't know where you've been."**_

His hands over my chest and legs. His breath against my neck. I moaned and gripped his shoulders.

This is to forget about everything. JJ, the fight, Viktor, and Yuuri.

I need a distraction.

"Yuri." He whispered in my ears. Goosebumps traveled up and down my arms and I sighed in relieve.

Focus on the texture of my hands. The way pleasure will blind you.

Think about nothing, but me.

"Otabek." I groaned back.


	12. 12

_**"You're slurring all your words.**_  
 _ **Not making any sense."**_

"So, you want to do something today? Other than lay in bed I mean." Otabek spoke up.

Now it was Saturday. One more day until I have to face the noise of what happened.

I sighed and closed my eyes, "We could watch movies." I suggested.

Otabek chuckled, "Alright what do you want to watch?"

I hummed in thought, "Have you ever seen Burlesque?"

"Cant say I have." Otabek answered.

I sat up in bed and threw a shirt at him. "Go get snacks and I'll put the movie in." I ordered.

"Yes sir."


	13. 13

_**"But I don't fucking care, at all."**_

"And I don't see what I did wrong!" Shouts rang through the locker room.

The place where they first got together, is the place where their first fight happens. I would ask what their fighting about but, I heard my name more than enough times.

"You didn't do anything wrong." Another shout.

I can't even tell who's who at this point. I'm tired, but I can't leave without em noticing me.

"Yuuri, your too good of a person to realize how people around you are!"

"Then get mad at me! Not him."

"Why are you protecting him?"

"He's my friend!"

The locker room grew quiet and the only noise was loud gasps. Probably from yelling too much.

"I need to think." And Viktor's footsteps left the room.

A few seconds later soft sobs filled the area. I made him cry. I shouldn't have started anything with JJ. Damn it!

Why do you screw everything up?

Yuuri did leave the room after a while. I sat in the corner and clutched my head trying to make the voices stop.

I hate myself.


	14. 14

_**"'Cause I have hella feelings for you.**_ _ **I**_

 _ **act like I don't fucking care."**_

A few minutes later I left the locker room. After my breaths evened out, and I stopped shaking.

Everything is going downhill.

I took a few steps out in the courtyard and stepped back. They were kissing.

I bit the inside of my cheek and stared at the scene in front of me.

Beka was kissing a redhead.

And I'm a huge fucking idiot. What the hell was I thinking? Otabek even said it was only physical.

I wish I didn't feel for others. I wish I didn't feel at all.

Romance belongs in books and that's that.


	15. 15

_**"Like they ain't even there.**_  
 _ **'Cause I have hella feelings for you."**_

I headed back home, ice cream once again. Such a cliche. Everything sucks.

I slammed the door behind me and rushed up to my room. I locked the door and crashed on my bed.

I woke up to my phone blasting Yuuri's ringtone. Did they break up?

"Hello?" I answered the call.

"Hey- hiccup- cannn yyouuu -hiccup- get meee?" Yuuri's drunken voice asked.

I sighed before answering, "Yeah, where are you?" They fought, so he drank. Classical.

"Yuri, your so nice." Yuuri sang, hanging from my shoulders.

"That's nice. Get in bed now." I told him, trying to pry them off my body. Yuuri flopped on his bed with a smile.

"Come here." He made grabby hands towards me.

I shook my head. "Please?" Yuuri batted his eyelashes. I gulped and joined him in bed.

"Yuuri" I whispered, gently touching his cheek. He hushed me with a kiss.


	16. 16

**"I act like I don't fucking care. 'Cause I'm so fucking scared."**

I probably made a huge mistake. Sleeping with Viktor's boyfriend wasn't on my bucket list. Yuuri wasn't supposed to be in love with Viktor. And I wasn't supposed to have feelings for this much people. But I do, so how do I fix this?

I watched Yuuri's sleeping face. He's beautiful, on the inside and out. Everywhere and every time. I can only hope that Viktor will treat him right. Because there must be a reason why we're not together. Must be a reason why we're just friends. Yuuri doesn't want me like that, and I need to let go.

I can only have hope that I can fix the damage I've done. Because given the chance, I would do this again. In a heartbeat. Yuuri is worth all the doubt, all the horrors, and heartache. Because I'm too stupid to open my eyes. I'm a selfish human being.

Yuuri breathed in and snuggled closer to the blankets. But aren't we all?


	17. 17

**"I'm only a fool for you.**  
 **And maybe you're too good for me."**

I handed Yuuri a cup of coffee and sat down cross from him. His bedhead was adorable. But his eye held fear. Dread filled my body as my throat started to close. He's going to hate me.

"I told Viktor." Yuuri spoke softly. The grip on the mug tighten.

"I'm sorry." I responded, "I ruin everything."

Yuuri quickly shook his head and grabbed my hand. "No, no, it's fine. Viktor understands. Well, not really. We're still together at least." Yuuri spoke fast trying to meet my eyes.

It was quiet after that. But my thoughts were so loud I could've sworn that Yuuri could hear em. I glanced at his plump lips and something came to mind. I would do this again. In a heartbeat. Because love always rips me to pieces.

"Yuri? Are you okay?" He asked, full of concern.

I bit my lip, "No, I still want you."

Yuuri smiled a sad smile, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

I nodded my head, "I know, you don't have to apologize. It's my fault." I need to stop these thoughts are dangerous and these feelings are swallowing me. I'm too selfish.

"Viktor will treat you right. I can tell you guys belong together." I told the brown haired teen. "You deserve the best. And I can only hope he'll love you forever."

Yuuri pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. My hands laid by my sides and tears pricked at my eyes.

I was defeated.


	18. 18

**"I'm only a fool for you**  
 **But I don't fucking care, at all, oh."**

The sky was shinning and the heat of the summer was hitting everyone. Getting out of bed this morning seemed easier. Everything was light and nothing seemed to matter. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad about that.

I stepped into campus and looked at everyone around me. Smilies and laughter that I could never have. Couples holding hands and friends talking. Everything seemed fine.

Mila and Beka passed by me. I gave Beka a smile and a nod. They looked good together. Beka seemed surprised that I was in a good mood. But I ingorned them and headed for the locked room.

I unlocked my locker and pulled out my skates. Coach was finally allowing me to skate. I tied the laces tight and got up to walk over to the rink. I plugged in the aux cord and classical music started. A smile rested on my face as I started to skate. I was finally at peace.


End file.
